New plan: following my gut… although I have some questionable digestion… but I think I just need to listen to what speaks to me. Like today, I was driving toward Blue Owl coffee shop, and I was thinking about how I was driving in the physical realm of my grandpa’s grave.
I drove around looking for his grave, first down the road toward where I thought the cemetery was, only to turn around toward where I was when the inclination occurred. I drove into the cemetery, albeit not previously my plan for the afternoon. Unsure of whereabout the inclination originated, I decided to follow the feeling. I could not find the named grave in the cemetery. I’m not even sure if I was in the right cemetery, but it really didn’t t’t matter regarding the direction of the inclination. I decided to park the car because I was sensing another message.
I needed to smoke a cigarette in the cemetery. I don’t even know how I feel about plain cigarettes… it’s a cool idea because of the devotion to the moment, but I’m not sure if I’m addicted yet. The point is, I felt as if it was my duty to be there, smoking in a cemetery, and the cigarette was not who was speaking to me.
So I did. I lit my half of a cigarette in the cemetery, in no place in calculated particular, and I had an encounter with a deer. The deer first ran away, along with some others, when I approached, creating my realm under a large, loud, deciduous tree. Then I noticed one of the deer walking around, closer to me. The deer cocked its head, so did I. Never wishing to have much larger ears more than in this moment, I watched the deer prance behind a large tombstone. It reappeared, like we were playing hide n seek, repeating the interaction a few times.
Looking at the graves like a stone-set chorus, I wondered, were they thinking of me? Could my visitation bring these souls joy? Are they bored? But I know they are not down in the ground. I do not know where they are, really, if even I have the verbiage to describe it. I doubt death is a place, but still I imagined the Graves as a choir. I wanted to ask them for guidance, but today I only heard from within.